Like myself, I know many of us have struggled with sabotaging behaviors. Sometimes things aren’t going the way we expect them to and we give up. We either have a fear of success, or we have a fear of failure. We find ourselves justifying the negative self-talk and end up right back in our comfort zone.
- Why does this keep happening to me?
- Why do I keep doing this?
- Does this sound familiar?
Let’s talk about the different signs of self-sabotage and how to overcome them.
Self-Doubt
Early on in my journey of entrepreneurship, I would constantly have feelings of self-doubt. There’s that little voice in your head that tells you, I’m not good enough. We weren’t born having negative thoughts about ourselves.
This destructive behavior is curated from listening to everyone else’s opinions about ourselves. Whether we have a fear of failure, fear of abandonment, or being ridiculed by our peers. However, over time we start to believe it. Self-doubt is a learned behavior that we have to learn to let go of.
Trust your intuition and continue to learn more about yourself. I don’t have all of the answers, and probably never will. But that means I will always have more to learn. In order to overcome self-doubt, we have to rewire how we think, how we speak, and how we view ourselves. Practice positive self-talk, positive affirmations, and celebrate your small victories.
Procrastination
Have you found yourself constantly feeling behind in your professional and personal life? Do you feel like you never have enough time in your life to accomplish everything you want?
Maybe you were extremely excited about something and you feel like you lost motivation the minute you started. We may distract ourselves with something that requires less attention or minimal effort.
Another one of the signs of self-sabotage is called procrastination. We all have experienced this in some way shape or form. Myself included.
Here are a few ways I’ve learned to overcome procrastination:
- The 5-second rule is simple. If you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill it.
- Set 5 clear goals to complete during the day. As you start to complete the tasks you will gain momentum. That momentum will give you the motivation to complete the other tasks.
- Set a schedule. Every day you should set aside the appropriate amount of time needed to complete each of the tasks you need for the day. That way you know exactly what you’re doing and when you need to do it. Some progress is better than no progress at all.
One of my favorite quotes by Jordan Peterson “ Can you imagine yourself in 10 years if, instead of avoiding the things you know you should do, you actually did them every single day? That’s powerful.”
Quitting
We all have ideas that don’t turn out the way we want them. We never account for all the things that can go wrong with our plans in the beginning. And once we are faced with adversity, oftentimes we quit. We never get to achieve our goals because right before happiness and success comes emotional pain and failures.
There’s a picture floating around the internet with two men swinging a pickaxe in a tunnel. One is retreating and giving up, and the other is moments away from finding a massive diamond. The point of the picture is to emphasize how you may never know how close you are to your goal.
It’s tough to find the light at the end of the tunnel, but working through the challenges and struggles helps you grow. When you give up after putting so much time and effort into your life, you’ll never learn how to make better decisions.
There are valid reasons to quit something, but you have to exhaust every option possible before saying something doesn’t work. This is true for your relationships, your career, and even personal growth.
Sabotaging Relationships
Signs of self-sabotage in relationships can vary, but some examples of what that may look like are:
- Being combative: You argue over things that don’t matter.
- Instigating: You do things on purpose to provoke others.
- Easily offended: You take any criticism personally.
- Difficulties expressing how you feel. Resorting to passive-aggressive behaviors
One thing I’ve learned in entrepreneurship is the importance of relationships. You may have heard the saying, “it’s about who you know”, and that statement is true in all aspects of life. Having strong and healthy relationships can change the trajectory of your life.
Society has led us to believe that we have to do everything by ourselves. That’s why we have people that specialize in mechanics, healthcare, and medicine. When we have a strong support system and people we can ask for guidance, it makes our life less complicated.
Overcoming Signs of Self-Sabotage
Remember, it’s the journey, not the arrival that matters. Along the way, we will continue to run into failures, hangups, and setbacks. The point of the journey is to develop self-awareness, identify what doesn’t work, and adjust accordingly.
Practice getting uncomfortable when adversity is present because that’s where the growth happens. And you don’t have to do this alone, having those strong relationships is key to success. Learn how to discuss openly where you fall short and allow people to help you.
The next time you feel yourself exhibiting any of these patterns of self-sabotage, work on changing those thought patterns. Identify the problem and work on the solution. Stop sabotaging your future, your goals, and your life.
Signing out from Los Angeles, California tonight,